And Then I Turn To You...Again

And I am not talking to any human being here. I am talking to my major in my Master's, the one I am taking right now.

Well, I was initially happy with the way things went. But then, before I took it up, I was already having some apprehensions regarding what I really wanted between I deemed I needed. So I chose the latter path and somehow chose to forget that something I knew in my heart I really love and always have. And now, my decision is getting back at me and my love is all coming back to me.

You see,I really love books. And I love to write. Writing is like the twin sister of that second nature of my soul which is singing. Words are food to me, I need them to live, survive and enjoy my life to the fullest. And now, I've taken them to the back seat of my priorities because what I am taking now is what I thought I wanted and needed.

Somehow, the first reason is true to me but the latter, I really don't know. How can one explain this slack, this non-motivation that's happening to me right now? I don't even open nor browse the books that I borrowed related to my course. And I am not excited anymore, worst my brain seems like to be in "hiatus." And that's one thing I call mental atrophy I dread the most but from the way things are going now, I am quite headed there.

I will still pray about it but somehow I have made up my mind. Not that I don't enjoy working with kids anymore, in fact a million miles away from it. It's just that I have this stronger passion. And that passion has something to do with words, papers and books.

I dream of that day when I should and must read a lot just to get high grades. That reading for me is a requirement already in order for me to get what I want. For by these reasons, I will be motivated and more committed to open my beloved books and read and devour each word I would encounter. I just love reading so much it's really second nature to me.

I am shifting to Literature and there's no stopping to me me now. I have decided and all I will ever think about is how to transfer and explain to my professor who happens to be our temporary dean now the why's behind my transfer.