Decided...

I have made my decisions already. I have finally made up my mind on certain things. Just when I thought that life has already left me alone with what I have decided already, suddenly influx of choices, alternative circumstances and the lure of just leaving things as they are seem to be so attractive I am tempted to just give in. But then I have a vision. A clearer vision.

My life is full of should-have-beens but I have decided to just accept that I cannot undo what has been done. I may have made the wrong turns in the past, have been complacent but it does not have to be like this until now. I am decided. No matter how attractive, no matter how comfortable, no matter how alluring the alternatives are, still I have made up my mind. And I have decided to finally make up my mind and stick with it.

Of course, these decisions will have their repercussions. Relationships might be tarnished and worst comes to worst might be severed. Attachments might be broken and there's this possibility that I might lose everything that I have now. But that's the point of these decisions. Everything will start from zero. And when you say zero, it means zero, none, gone and alone. And I will have to start building, creating and accepting everything and everyone life will throw at me, again.

I am not scared? Of course I am. That's why I am writing this stuff. To bring out this fear that has started to bubble up inside me. I know, once I start to work and move forward those decisions, discomfort will be present, adjustments are to be made and yes, pain will be inevitable.

But I need to grow. I have this desire inside to just keep on growing, to keep on progressing and to keep on flourishing. Because that is the reason why I was created. To grow. From glory to glory.

I need to listen to my conscience now. It says that the decisions I have made are the better ones. Though it may not be that easy, the point is they will be for the good of not just me but others also. I just need to stick with them and really be strong enough to just stick with them.

I feel better now. Somehow. I will stop thinking about those decisions for a while. I will focus on what I have now and the things I am going to do. After this, I am going to wash my clothes, read and then do other chores later. Hah! Life. Just when you think you are okay already, there she comes perturbing your already made-up mind.