A Prayer...

Dear Lord,

I made a fool out of myself again. Now, I am feeling this self-condemnation and contempt I want to bang my head on the wall. I did things that were not pleasing to You, thought about things that terribly displeased and angered You. I am sorry. I am sorry for I turned to them and not to You. Because I was too ashamed to go to You. For I know that I made a fool out of myself again and somehow destroyed my testimony. I felt like a desperate girl wanting someone's attention. I immediately let my emotions overcome me without me really thinking about the consequences of my actions. I really feel so sorry Lord.

I feel like an insane girl, a starstruck high school girl who has been acting so immaturely. Good thing, I found out some things before everything would get out of hand. Thank You about the things I found out last night, I would finally stop and just simply stop making a fool out of myself again. Everyone makes mistakes but it does not mean that I have to live in them.

Lord, I am sorry. I am sorry if I did not call upon You, if I did things my way again. I have realized that I don't really have to be so overly spiritual and legalistic about things. You have given us common sense and wisdom from Your Word that all we need to do is listen to what our conscience tells us. In my case, I was already being "tugged" by the Holy Spirit via my conscience but I thought a little bit of this, a small amount of that would not hurt nor affect me. Hence my self-induced mild depression and severe self-contempt right now.

Lord, I am sorry. My soul is really grieving now and I really feel bad about these things. They were of my own doings and I thank You for You have been using people to bring me back to my senses. Thank You.

Lord, I know that You understand that I really have longings to be loved specially by a man. But I still have yet to learn to control and keep my emotions in check when someone interesting comes my way. I still have yet to learn and practice more discipline and self-control and just simply stick to my principles regarding relationships.

This "fiasco" is actually a blessing in disguise. For it propelled me to stop all my foolishness. I must let go of this self-condemnation and forget about that humiliating experience.I will forgive myself now. Anyway, the damage has not been that severe, they were just actually concoctions of my wild imagination. I will just move on, get on and be right on track again, with You.

Thank You for lifting me up again. I will just obey You so please help me to obey You. I cannot do it alone. Please give me more grace. Amen.