Checking Him Out

I checked out that person again on Facebook and I saw that he was now more virtual as regards his relationship with that woman. Not that I still feel sorry for his lost, I guess it was one of the best things that happened to me only I just felt this insecurity again.

Why? Because I saw them. The girl somehow looked good but it's not that she looks better than I (vanity strikes again. Crap!). Only it was different seeing him that way. Maybe because I already really lost the attention that he once gave me but actually in hindsight, it did not really matter at all. I was only feeding my ego and my vanity at his cost. But I guess I was actually the one who paid the price and I am relatively okay now.

Then I saw the FB account of that another person. The smaller one. It was the same picture with him holding hands with a girl. And to think that he has been flirting with me. And to think that I was giving in and actually feeding my emotions about it. Good thing I have friends who keep on moving my head to the right directions. Indeed, most of the time the reason why I would feel bad about myself was because I would keep on desiring what I could not have. I would try to prove something until I proved nothing. Not that I really want them for myself and for them to become a part of my life, only I was feeding my own vanity. At their expense. But then I would eventually find out that the tab was actually on me.

I will just mind my own business and get busy with other things. One thing I have really learned today as I was completing my 60-day course in Setting Captives Free was to let go indeed of anything that hinders me from running the race of life. I got it from Hebrews 12:1. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1." (NLT)

They just bring me down. They would give me a momentary feeling of elation but afterwards, feelings of inadequacy and frustration. No. It's like I am paying something for the price of two. I am being shortchanged here. It is not going to be easy at all specially the second one since I see him on a daily basis but I can do something about it like not frequenting the library everyday, going there only if there's a need to , just staying in one place and just investing my time and effort on people who really show love, concern and care for me. I know it's not really going to be easy but I can do it by God's grace.

It is almost 7 o'clock in the morning. Time for me to exercise and do my other business around here.