Control issues

I am thinking right now. How the turn or events for the past one week has sent me down into downward spiral again. I was on the brink of sickness only probably I have a better and stronger immune system. It all started last week when we started talking again. I really have to accept the fact that I could not just avoid him that easy. We stopped talking for two months. I thought things ended already but he was the one who made the move to find me again. And he did find me. So things and thoughts started swirling inside my lovely head again. Then my mother who was always negative about him kept on injecting negative things and ideas on him in my head. I became so sad. It pained me a lot. But now, I have given things some thoughts. Yes, he does not like me a lot the way I do to him but I can do some things for him to see right through me. I know, I need to improve some areas of my personality but I need to maintain my being "me." Unlike before. Yes, I like him, I want to take care of him, I am so in love with his family and I am going to fight for him. So he can also fight for me as well. I am not closing doors for him. Yet, I am doing these things not just for him but for me as well. Either ways, it will be a win-win situation for me. If he would not fall in love with me albeit the progress and transformation, then we are not really meant for each other. I used to fight for William before. I seemed to move almost all the heavens and the earth just for him to like me. It did not work. For we were not meant to be. Not because something was wrong with me. Only we were not really meant for each other. I hope this time, this would last. I will pray. I will pray for a miracle. I will do something about myself, I will make myself even more beautiful and classy, stronger and smarter. More talented and just high class. A very high class female. Probably I might catch his eyes this time. If not, then I will just move on. No more negative thoughts nor negative feelings. Only doing what's best and becoming more proactive for what will be the best. St. Augustine said it well, "Do what you can do and pray for something you cannot do." That's what I am going to do. Aja!