Insecurity Struck Again

I had plans to go to a museum today but the rain and my class hindered me from doing so. So I made another plan and went to SM Mall of Asia.

I saw many people there and somehow I felt that insecurity again specially while I was buying some stuff. I saw some girls there, how they looked good and how well-dressed they were. I felt a bit bad about myself for I was wearing something so rugged I looked so ordinary. Or did I? Because I just wanted to be comfortable specially I had my itineraries for the day that would require me to walk and just continually walk.

I am crazy,eh? I felt so insecure that I began comparing myself to them. Then I felt that spirit of vanity striking me again. Another is that I felt a bit bad for I could not afford to buy stuff that I like. I had to live and follow my budget though I was already very tempted to buy things I thought I needed. Good thing I did not for I would just waste my money on those things that I could actually delay buying.

That's one bad thing about going and unwinding in malls. One becomes unreasonably discontented, vain and insecure. One would have this tendency to look around and would see people then would start comparing herself to them.

I only bought what I needed thank God. I bought a pair of shoes and another shade of lipstick for my other shade was broken. Next time, I will just buy my cosmetics from Bench.

Hah! I was bitten by that "consumerism bug." I thought I was sad because I could not have all those that my eyes saw, those I thought I needed when in fact I was able to get home safe and sound and ironically feeling light and not so tired even though I walked for a long time. I am here now typing on my netbook and sharing with you how I felt while I was inside. I should just have gone to the museum but then it rained and there was no time already so I should just have visited the park. I will just do that Saturday after the next.

Anyway, I am okay now. I will feel good about myself now. I felt low again and it was not good. I will change my thinking about myself and regardless what I wear in the midst of seemingly "rich" and "doing fine" people, I will walk with confident strides and raise my head high.