Sad Realization

I don't know. I think I am still sad now but I am okay. Yes, I am but I just felt the need to let these "bothersome" feelings out of me or I will crashed again for nothing.

I have been experiencing irrational diseases these past few days and man! They have already affected my job so much. Yet, in spite of this, I have realized many things. All in a week's time. But this surpasses them all: God is always the One you can always depend on no matter what.

I am just sad for when I had my severe diarrhea, I did not feel much care from friends and family members. Even my mom was not that caring enough to make me feel I was cared for. You see, she has raised me to be so independent and self-sufficient that she would not mind me that much anymore specially when I am sick. I used to be so angry with that but I got so tired with it for it has always been one of the facts of my life since I started to have younger brothers and sister. My parents do not realized that I need to be cared for at times for to feel that way is one of man's needs, right?


Then my friends. Or so- called ones. At work. How I felt disgusted by them, how they shooed me away upon knowing that I have this contagious, sore eye disease. It was all jokes but half-meant. And then I call them my friends. So ironic, eh? It just made me so sad for if I were them, I wouldn't do the that thing. It made me feel like I was a leper, a human anthrax, a deadly virus. That was just so sad. To think, that this was only a sore eye what more if I was really carrying a deadlier, more contagious disease?

I am just sad. Really I am. But they are just humans. Self-preservation is the norm nowadays. Even my job. The workplace I am concerned about is not really as much concerned about me as I do to them. But what can I do? They are all just humans. I am also guilty of this. Maybe I am just given a dose of my own medicine and being shown what really matters and lasts more in this life.

I am not to expect anything from anyone anymore. This race in life is just my own. And God also. In all of these, the One Person who loves me and cares for me the most, is the One I neglect and disappoint most of the time. The One who gently teaches me lessons to learn and helps me when the going gets tough. This experience has made me really and fully realized that it is only Him who I can trust and depend on. Who loves me despite my condition. The love that I am longing for I would never get from any human being but only from Him.

I am okay now. Thank God. The virus is still evident in my eye and I still cannot go to school tomorrow for fear of contaminating others but I am okay now. I am feeling better now, thank God. I will not write any from now on's. I will just be myself, do good and expect less from others. I will just be okay.

I will not feel bad anymore. I will just continue loving those people in spite of their flaws. Anyway, that is what loving unconditionally is all about, right? And I will remember that I will do the loving not for them, but for God who gives me too much of His...