A Dose of my Own Medicine

I guess, I got a dose of my own medicine.

I could not blame him for becoming a monster and a such a demon to me. I could not blame him for losing his respect for me for I was the one who made him lose it. Indeed, we earn respect. I am just sorry things ended this way but I guess, it should actually really end this way.

He may have lied so many times just to get rid of me and had his finale last night when he said those hurtful and offensive words but somehow, I knew that it was my fault. He was a nice person when we met but now he has turned into a monster.

I got hurt because of the insults but maybe I just wanted him to do it so that I would have reasons to hate him. To get him out of my system and my memories.

He responded in the way that he knew how. Maybe because that was how he has been treated. A person with no self-respect cannot give it to others. But this led me to a question: Which should come first? Giving of respect to others so that they can give it back or the other way around?

I don't know. Maybe someday, things will become clearer between us. Maybe someday we can still find it in our hearts to forgive each other and let go of all the pain, bitterness and heartbreak we caused each other. Maybe, someday I will have the answers to my questions.

I am willing to forgive him already. I don't want to harbor any bad an ill feelings inside me. Maybe, this is just a dose of my own medicine. For everything that I have done.

I will not blame myself anymore. Past is past. My time with him will be just memories. I will just remember the happier days. There were in fact. But they will just vignets of those days gone by.

This time, I am sure now of letting go. Letting go of what I thought I actually had.