I a m still hurting now.
I saw his picture. It just brought me such a painful sensation.
I feel bad because I feel rejected by him. I feel like I was not good enough that was why he could not like me. I feel so bad about it. I want to cry but I could not.
I want to stay away from those people who are close to him. But they have become my friends too. I don't know. I honestly don't want Mommy Ann to come with me at CRIBS on my birthday because she just reminds me of him. I just feel so sad. Really, really sad.
I don't know. I really don't know. My heart just cannot fall in love again. I don't know. I should be feeling happy because the guys that I liked before have been showing me attention now. And even some who just ignored me before.
But I like him. Because he was kind though he was not really a gentleman to me before. He just made me feel rejected. I feel so bad.
I know my self-worth and self-esteem should not be based on how he treated me. Or how I perceive his thoughts on me. Yet, I cannot deny the fact that my heart is really broken now.
I want to leave. I want to run just for me to ease this pain away. But I can't I have no other place to run to. Except God.
Lord, what do I do? I still think about him. What do I do? I know this is wrong but what do I do?
I like him because he was stable. He was a good family man and he was so natural. Yet, I think I still don't have all the facts I need. I was feeling bad a while ago because maybe he was also the typical Filipino guy who likes girls with peaches and cream complexion. I don't have that and I don't intend to change myself just for him to like me.
No, I am to cultivate my soul and my mind. I am to modify my character from glory to glory. I am already good now but I can be better.
I am a child of God. I have qualities that endear me to people. Too bad he did not give himself the chance to get to know me better. For I know the things that I can do and have to offer.
Anyway, I feel better now. I was just only so emotional and irrational, thinking I was not good enough. I should say from now on, he was not smart and wise enough to see the real me, the precious jewel, the black pearl that is in me. He let a lovely lady, a beautiful woman in and out pass him by. Not my loss but his.(^^,)
No comments:
Post a Comment