Waiting For Him

I have decided last night that I would just wait for him.

This is really crazy. But then I am taking the risk. The risk to be hurt again. This time it is out of my own volition. My will to wait for him, my will to keep myself from falling in love until he comes back.

I don't know. I am at peace with this decision. I am at peace that I am waiting for him. I think I should have admitted this to myself once he was gone. I will just keep him in my heart and pray for him.

I fell in love before it was too much. I also waited for him, shunning some of the possibilities in my life just so I could open myself to him. But things did not work out that way. It took me eight years to have finally moved on and get on with my life. Until that person came.

It was so quick. I fell deeply. People around us could not understand. They could not understand that for a short while I was able to see his beauty, the wonder of his personality, I was able to see right through him. Could they blame me? I just don't fall in love without any reason at all. I fell for him because of who he is. Or he was.

He was so different from William. Very far. Completely different worlds. With William, it was all being intellectual, being almost perfect to the point of being pretentious at times.

With Ryan, it was more calm, more natural, simpler. I just wanted to live my life that way.

I will wait for him. I will improve myself until he comes back. No, not only for him that I will make myself lovelier but for myself too. For what if this waiting did not end up happily? I am just being romantically practical.

I will just wait for him. I will.