The Serenity Prayer

“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Reinhold Niebuhr-

This prayer keeps on reverberating in my mind as I think about the things that have been going on in me. This is ridiculous for I am the only one who suffers this way when in fact the other character in this story does not even care about me.

You see I am still moping somehow for the "failed" romance that I had with our neighbor. He left already for he is a seaman and here I am nursing a wounded heart. For I think I really like him. I really do.

But he does not share my sentiments nor my feelings. And there I was willing to wait for him, even writing him journals just to ease my pain away. Pain coming from missing him a lot and wanting him that bad. But then reality set in and I must accept that he is not that interested no matter how I tried to justify his actions and interpret them.

That is it. He is simply not interested. Action speaks louder than words. And I must accept that. Accept that I could never change the way he feels about me. Or the absence of it for me. But then I can change my response to him. I can just get on with my life, learn from my experience and yes, trust God that eventually what happened no matter how uncomfortable it is for me right now, will be a blessing in the end for everyone.

I have learned lots of lessons from this experience. That I could never hurry love. I still remember that verse from Songs of Solomon 8:4 "Do not awaken love until the time is right" -NLT Version-. I must admit that I wanted everything to be fast tracked at the time. Maybe that was why instead of drawing him to me, I in fact shooed him away because of my stupid and ungodly woman-like actions. I have learned to really take things slowly but surely. And to really act wisely and becomingly.

I have learned also not to expect too much. Just let everything flow freely and do not expect anything from anyone. Let things happen the way they are meant to happen. The best thing to do is to simply act accordingly to each situation and ask God for wisdom. But do not expect. Expect from God, not from men.

Another, do not assume anything unless stated and clearly as in very clearly at that. My folly was I misunderstood his actions and some of the words he said. But in hindsight, they were quite vague. Now that I have a clearer mind, I must admit that they were really vague. I just jumped into conclusions quickly, head first.

Another lesson is to be myself. Be myself in every situation I am and will be into. That I do not have to pretend to be someone that I am not just to please anybody. I can freely say what's on my mind but of course at a certain extent. I will show who I am, just the way I am. I will just be myself. Myself. The way I am.

Last but not the least, is to always trust God. Trust Him in everything. This may sound cliche but it is actually better said than done. All throughout, I acted on my own, I took things into my hands, acted immaturely and look what it has gotten me into. To trust Him is to fully let go. Let go of him, thoughts of him, everything about him. Maybe then, God will freely move in my life. He will have the free reign so He can really and fully move in me.

Now is the time for me to cultivate my soul, my character, everything about me. I thank God that meeting him somehow let me see the darkest parts of my being, the worst weeds in the garden of my character. And now that I can see clearly, I can do something about them, about me.

In this ordeal, I cannot change him nor can do something about him. But I can do something about myself and my response to any situation that will come my way. I am not saying that I will be perfectly well, but I know that I will get by. By God's grace. Soon, this pain, this discomfort will just be a thing of the past. And I could just look at this experience with a wicked laugh on my face. (^^,)

I know things will work out for the best. For me, for everybody around me.