Someday...

I am not going to hope for him anymore. No, this is not being pessimistic but I will just leave everything in God's hands.

For now, my business is to improve myself and become the best person to that one who God will give me.

This is my time of preparation. My time to be the best and just worthy person of his love, care and faithfulness. My time to weed out all the bad grass in me and let the good ones blossom.

I am letting go of him not because I lost hope already but because I have decided to leave everything in God's hands.

I am letting go of the worries, of the uneasiness I have been feeling. I will just let God work and move in my life and his as well.

But I will keep on praying for him. I will appeal to God for his safety, for his wellness and for his happiness. I will also pray that he will get to know God in a very special and intimate way, someday.

Deep inside my heart, I want to wait. But I guess this is not a wise thing for me to do. I don't know what God has in store for me. All I need to do is just continually and unceasingly wait for Him and for His revelations.

Everything happens for a reason. There is a reason behind our meeting. Maybe to let me see how immature and futile my thinking was specially when it comes to man-woman relationship. I am not a small girl now. Anytime soon, God might call me into my own family ministry. I will have to learn to submit and serve my husband and let him lead our family. I will have to make some sacrifice just to make sure that my husband and my children are well-taken care of. Even if it means I will give up my career. I am not looking forward to that but there's always that possibility.

I will also have to adjust to a new family. I will learn how to be more accepting and non-judgmental of others. Most of all, I will have to learn how to love even if the people specially the people closest to him are unlovable. Not just because it is the right thing to do but actually loving the people whom he loves. If I profess that I love him then I have to show that I also love the people that he loves without losing my identity and my self-esteem.

I don't know. Life is really like this. We don't know what it is going to throw at us next. Yet, I am rest assured that there is a God who knows everything and who knows exactly what He is doing. I don't know what's the next chapter and who will be the next characters but by His grace, whatever happens it will always work for my own good.

I am letting him go now. Though for just a short time, he has become precious to me. I will move on with my life and will just be the best. I will be like the Proverbs 31 woman, Ruth, Esther and Mary. For God and for my future husband.