Learning From This Fiasco

Yes, I have learned a lot from this fiasco. I know I am not the same person that I was before all because of this experience.

Yes, I opened myself up to that possibility and I almost forgot, risk. I exposed
myself to be hurt and yes, I am right now.

But I have grown and it's for the better. I thought I already knew things about men but I proved myself to be quite naive. Now, I emerged from this experience as a wiser and discerning person and woman. I am now all set to be more careful and really be one at that, this and next time around.

I cannot blame him. He is only the typical man who acts typically just like the rest of his kind. Maybe, he was just a smooth operator or probably I did not get the signs enough. Maybe, I have overestimated his actions, have misunderstood those simple acts of "friendship" as being acts of more than that. In reality, he was not just into me, that's all.

Our conversations did not go any deeper. I don't know him well. I only created illusions of him in my mind. My mistake: I already created "our" future together in my mind. They were all just mere concoctions of my weird imagination. And now that I was forced down into reality, the fall was quite hard and painful.

I have forgiven him already, in fact I am not really angry with him or anyone else. He might have misled me with his words but maybe he did not intend those things to be taken that way. I was the only one who took them the way I did. He was just being friendly, I was just being excited to have a "more-than-that" relationship with him. I was just so romanticized with my false and fabricated notions that I forgot there actually is the "reality" going on.

I don't know. For now, I will just avoid him and the people close to him for me to be healed. To be healed totally. To accept that maybe, I only have to leave and have him in my "friends' zone." He is a good man, I know. He is not so bad. I just did not know him that much and how his mind works that is why I reacted like this.

I believe still in the goodness of his heart. If he were that bad, then he would have taken advantage of me even if he was not interested. I am letting go of him as my potential boyfriend. I hope someday, we can still be friends and be very good friends at that.

I am taking this moment, this time alone to heal. To have my relationship with God and myself fixed. I am happy I already can think this way. Maybe, I can still show kindness and concern to our common friends and even his family but in time. Maybe soon, probably much later. Depends on how quickly I will be healed totally. There is no bitterness in me whatsoever. If he is really in love with that woman, then so be it. I just hope that they will be happy and she will take good care of him and love him for who he is, not for what he has.

This is painful, this letting go thing. But I need this in order for me to go forward. I feel lighter now but the pain is still here. I know, in time this will all go away. And I will just smile at him sincerely and honestly say, "I am happy to have met you."

I know everything happens for a reason. Maybe, my season with him, his arrival in my life was just meant to teach me things about myself, about my ideals, about the things that I really believe in. What I am willing to give of myself to other people. His season with me taught me not to overuse my emotions but use my head as well, simultaneously. That I don't have to always be available for someone, to not give a significant part of my heart when it is not yet time for me to do so. That I have to know my real value so that others will not devalue me for my true worth.

For now, all the cares, concern and affection that I have, I will give to the people who are with me and who also give me just the same. I know, someday someone will come into my life, and by then I can release again my heart freely and wholly.

Someday...(^^,)