On "Cats" and Frugality

Okay, so a "Cats" ticket would cost someone quite an arm and a leg.

But the heck! It is just one of those rare moments when I get to do the things that I love. Why do some people judge me and think of me as a spendthrift, someone who cares less about her money?

I do care about money. I have started saving already actually. The "Cats" ticket that I bought was quite expensive but watching it would be a once in a lifetime experience for me. I just want to enjoy life. I am not hurting nor offending anyone though some might claim that they were "offended" by my careless actions. On my part, it was not carelessness but just a way to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Watching a theater play and an expensive one at that is just one of my fancies. And I am already earning my own money. I did not ask my parents to give me anything just to watch that. It all came from my own pocket.

Now, I do not care anymore about how others will think of my actions and decisions. For all I care! I am just giving myself a good time. Maybe, those people are just envious for I get to enjoy and have a good time while they just sulk at the corner.

So yes, you may give me that darn reason that we have an economic crisis. But there's always been a crisis and I think it would always be like that until we reach that utopian state which I call heaven. To wait for the crisis to end then do the things you love would be punishment. For it will never end. And you are just fooling yourself.

I am not being a hypocrite here. I am just being true and I am proud of what I did albeit the negative responses I got. I just do not care. And just like my new motto, "If you hate my guts, that's your problem, not mine."

No "Ms. Goody Two Shoes" around here anymore. I will not care and will just go on with my life. As long as I am not doing anything illegal nor immoral, I will keep on doing things. And if you hate my guts, then it's your problem, not mine.

Well...

Well, I am having my so-called "emo moments" now.

And when I say emo moments, meaning those times when you just want to cry and vent out all those pent-up emotions kept and preserved for so long inside you.

I had wanted to cry and thank God, I already did. But it just could not stop and would just happen at the slightest trigger.

People in my life come and go and the sad part is I have already learned to love them and given a part of me to them. They would always have a mark in my life for they became significant parts of it. Now they're gone, all I have is myself and my will to move on and just continue my own journey.

People come, people go. Easy for us to say but to experience it first hand is another thing. I am sad now but I have to be strong and not let my emotion rule over my rational thinking.

I guess, somehow I need to chill out and just enjoy the things life gives me as I go my way. Yes, to enjoy them but not to really bask and immerse myself in them. Life never told me to fixate myself to those things she has been giving me. She only said that I enjoy it and live each day I have. To love the people I have now and when they are gone, then go ahead have my emo moments but not for too long. For she still has lots of other things and people to give me.

This is a little bit how should I say,tougher but I really need to be. I still have lessons yet to learn about life. For a long time, I have looked at it in a very "Pollyannish" way that I forget that it is painful sometimes. And when the pain is there, it is quite difficult for me to cope up.

But I am learning my lessons. Indeed, I am. All I want to do is just enjoy my life and yes, be positive everyday. Thanking God for the blessings of another sunrise, another day for me. It may not be so pleasant but still, it is life. And I must, should and will embrace it as it is.

I am sad. Yes. But not for too long. Soon, I'll get over this feeling, this "post-childhood separation anxiety" I am experiencing. Life is too convoluted to be wasted. Ironically, it's being one is quite maddeningly amusing...(^^,)

Thinking...Thinking

I have been thinking lately.

I have been thinking about my family, the things that happened and been happening to us. My sister met an accident so she and my mom had to go and live for a while in my cousin's house. We are not complete here in our house so I am the one who is practically in charge of everything.

I am thinking. About next year. About my plans. What if something like this happened again? I pray to God that there would be none for I would be so worried.

I love my family. I love my dad, my mom, my brothers and my sister. But I love myself too. Now, I am vacillating if I'd still go on with my plans and fulfill my dreams or just stay here and be here when they need me. I don't know. I think as early as now, I need to teach my younger brother to take care of himself. To always remind my sister to be careful and to instruct my other brother to be more diligent with household work. And my mom? She needs someone to be her constant "distressor" someone whom she could vent out all her feelings and frustrations. And I am always more than willing to listen if I am not the one causing her "stress." (^^,)

How do I choose? Will I choose my dreams or my family? It is hard. I will ask for guidance and wisdom on this. I know, there are still days to come but who would have thought that unfortunate incident like what happened to us would transpire in the first place?

This issue unsettles me, actually. This thought causes me some restlessness.

Where do I go?