On Weight Struggle

I have been struggling about my weight ever since I was born.
Among my siblings, I am considered the "fattest" and being the "shortest" also does not help.
So when I started to have consciousness as regards my weight and built, I have also started to have this yo-yo like phases wherein I would lose some then binge then gain more and again be depressed.
I don't like this feeling. I don't like envying other girls for their svelte figures, I don't like dreaming of a dress to fit me, I don't like wishing that I were this so and so girl for she is having the body I wish I had. I wish my head would be in the place of hers.
My family is not also supportive about it. No matter how I have tried to lose some weight, they would be the first ones to be skeptical about it. Worst, even joke about it and laugh at me. Technically, I am on my own. Good thing, I still have some good friends around supporting me and assuring me that I can make it. Yet sadly, few of them remain with me now for the others went their own ways already.
It's honestly not easy living in a world that glorifies women considered beautiful in its own standards. It's a struggle to maintain confidence and sound emotion when the society that you're living in worships those women with slender figure, creamy-white skin, tall built and a patrician nose. What about girls like me who possess exactly the opposites?
I am sad. It's true that one should still cultivate the beauty of mind, heart and soul but the above-mentioned standards are inevitably and almost permanent part of this generation I belong to. It's just so sad for a girl like me. Yet, I don't want to wallow in needless self-pity.
I don't know.I think I need to convince myself more that there's more to life than being so physically beautiful. That there are other aspects of myself that I really still need to look into and discover. But to tell you the truth, it's also an almost day-to-day struggle.
I know that having a goddess-like physical attributes does not assure one of a happy life and successful marriage. Yet there are times when I would think that they are also somehow needed for a woman to be noticed.
I will still try to lose weight. I was disappointed with myself because for two days, I ate a lot again and did not exercise. I felt like a failure but there was this voice inside me telling me to dust myself off, to not wallow in self-pity and just go on with what I have started. Spiritually speaking, I know I am on the "right track" because the "enemy" has been trying to snatch me away again from the right road.
I will continue my exercise and proper diet. I may not have those legendary patrician looks but I could still gain more confidence by doing the right things.

Adrenalin Rush

The title just came to my mind.

I want to write something about the issues that hound our society at present specially the RH Bill but it seems that my train of thoughts just wants to go somewhere and forget that destination for the meantime.

I want to write something about my tests tomorrow. What will be the questions and how will I be able to answer them. I am actually dreading the Math part for though I have somehow given birth to a just a small interest of the subject, still it's quite a taxing brain job for me to analyze all those formulas and numerical terminologies. Still, I guess my imagination and unfounded fears are getting me a bit too far for maybe the tests would not be as difficult as I thought it to be.

For one, I did not review. I read a lot, tons of books and other literature but review? No. Why? Not because of sheer indolence nor lousy laziness but rather the thought that I did not have any idea on what to review. It's not as if I am entering the university fresh from high school. This is different. And I have this feeling that the tests would be more like for "adults."

By God's grace, I know I will pass. What I am feeling now is just my nerves. Hah! I am going to pray about this and will just write and share my thoughts to the world.

I am excited to enter school again. I am aiming for honors. By God's grace, I can do it and will do my best to do it. Now, I will just rest my mind and spirit. Tomorrow will hold a lot of promise.

All I want is to feed my mind and not keep my brain cells stagnant. And grow in my chosen profession. And everything will start now.

Carpe Diem!

Hehehehehe!!!!