Lost Enthusiasm

I feel like I lost my enthusiasm already.

I do not know but I feel like I am already jaded and that people around me are just being pretentious of what's happening to them.

We have just finished our spiritual retreat but I feel more tired than refreshed. I just do not know. Maybe I am not so happy with where I am now.

I am happy with my husband. I am happy with my family and even if we don't have much money we don't experience lack and we get to pay the bills on time.

I am about to start my life as a student again even if it is only in a technical school.

I already had my period which meant that my ovaries are still functioning but deep inside I am hurting though I may not admit it.

I miss some of my friends. Those who are already not with us in the workplace. That's why I have been so sad.

I should have grieved. I should have expressed my emotions more when I lost them. I should have cried then.

Yet, I must accept the fact that they all went their own ways and that maybe they were just with me for a season.

All I need to do is to move on and to just simply move on.

I know it is not going to be that easy for me but by God's grace I will be healed from my feeling of lost.

Our life is really like a book. We are the main characters of our own books. People come to be the secondary characters but most of them have only an appointed time and when their time comes to leave, then  they will whether we like it or not. Life is really like that. We are also secondary characters of one's book. At our appointed time, we will also leave also.

This is not being a pessimist. I am just being realistic. Maybe they left a space in our life so that new characters can occupy them. And we'll be facing another chapter again.

I believe that I can move on. I am just sad but not devastated. Now I understand why I had been sad and did not care about others around me. I know me so well...(^^,)