Setbacks and Backfires

I entitled my post today "Setbacks and Backfires." It all started last Wednesday when we went to the clinic to have my mother checked by her doctor. I weighed myself again since there was an available scale in my cousin's office. The last time I weighed myself, that was more than a month ago, I was 136 lbs. I told myself come vacation time, I would lose again the added 10 lbs. and lose the other 6 to achieve my ideal weight. Alas! last Wednesday, when I weighed again, my cousin told me that I weighed 142 lbs. So that means, I added another 6 lbs. in my already overweight body. I don't know. I just finished my lunch that time. Was it just only the added food inside my tummy that time of the day when I scaled myself or did I really added more pounds in my body? Then last Thursday, my friend and her nephew came to our house. The child, feisty as he was jokingly teased me that I was still fat, that I added more weight and that I was a pig. My friend took our pictures and the images were not lying. I really looked fat. I am still fat. I am indeed fat. That was the last straw. What, with all those painful exercises that I have been doing, with all those efforts that I have been making, I still weighed more and looked even "more." I feel pathetic. I thought I would not be affected anymore but here I am hiding my depression and my disappointment with myself. As a result, I did destructive stuff again, things that aggravated my not-so-good condition anymore, physically and spiritually. And it affected my emotions a lot. I wanted to cry. I was doing all I could. But it seems like nothing is happening. I even looked worst. Or am I? The question, am I eating the right food? Am I still doing the right exercises? According to the articles I read before, the body would become accustomed to the exercises that we have been doing for a long time already that there would be no results anymore. I am not going back to that miserable 170 lbs. anymore. 142 lbs. is where I will stop then it will go downhill again. I am not feeling well, really. I feel sad and depressed. Yet, there's no point in giving up. My body is already used to exercising. Only today I did not exercise because I am putting to rest my already tired and strained muscles. I guessed I have not been so kind to my body these days. I am just bothered by the remarks I will be getting when we are asked to come back to school a week and a half from now. I am just bothered by the sorry feelings my colleagues might be heaping upon me, asking me rhetorically what happened to me and why did I become fat again? I guess, I should not be wearing that blouse anymore. But that would be just sheer in denial on my part. What do I do now? I have long since hit the plateau of my losing weight agenda. To add more insult to the injury, I ate a lot of sweets, munched tons of junkies and dug in much unhealthy food. I guess, the reason my exercise does not pay me off anymore is because it is like garbage in, garbage out for me and my body. It all started last November. 6 months ago. I still have many months to go. Besides, it is my friend's wedding in December. I need to be in tip-top shape. I guess, I need to discipline myself more. To control and help myself to curb its unhealthy cravings. I am longing for some bananas. I will just eat bananas for snacks from now on. I will not deprive myself totally of sinful foods but I will eat less of them from now on. And just continue with my exercise. And other body movements. For now, I will wash the dishes then my clothes then cut some weeds in the garden then walk tonight just like what I was doing before. I will continue my fight on healthy living and losing weight. My motto: Never say never!