Leaving: A Sound Judgment

I have been contemplating about leaving these past few days.

Before, I already decided to stay. But things turned around again and this time I really decided to leave.

For how many years, I have enjoyed working there, with people I have already considered my friends and family. But things there are not the same as before. I must admit that I am not happy there anymore. Gone is the enthusiasm and joy that I used to feel. Probably because I don't have many friends there anymore. Even my so-called bestfriend somehow has already changed.

I need a change in my environment. I need to go out of my comfort zone now. Probably, leaving and saying goodbye will be the soundest decision I could make. I will go to the next level of my life.

I will miss everything. I will miss everyone. But life has to move on. I need to move on and move forward.

Maybe my complacent world is being shaken for me to wake up from a very long and comfortable "slumber" in my career. I need to move on and try another world. A world very much different from what I have now.

So Confused

I don't know. I am vacillating with my decisions. One day, I am decided the next day not again.
My mind is like a roller-coaster having its ups and downs.
I already set my mind to leave my workplace before; then again I changed my mind and just opted to stay. But then again here comes the feeling that I want to leave again.
I feel like I am not appreciated anymore. That I am just one of the "employees." My superiors just don't appreciate the job that I am doing. I am quite bored already with all the routines I am doing everyday. It is like I am already living my life monotonously.
I want to reinvent myself. But how can that be if I am stuck in that place all because of money?
My brother already got his salary from public school. Not that bad since he is just starting. In my case, I have already started seven years ago and still here I am trying to find where will I truly fit in.
I love teaching. It is just that I am inside the same circle for how many years already.
I love the people there in my workplace but I guess things are not the way they were anymore. People are not the same as they were before.
I am staying there because I just want to save money and to put things in the right places. Or seemingly so.
I don't know where my future is. Only God knows. Maybe I just depended on myself too much that is why I am like this.
Maybe I have become so slacked with my job that is why I am like this.
Maybe I need to grow more, I need to see myself more in a different light.
Weekly, I am doing my lesson plans. The same boring lesson plans that if you would just look at it closely is not really that important. All you need to do is to connect with the pupils, make them understand what you want them to get. I am not undermining the importance of lesson plans but then how can other schools achieve without becoming so obsessive-compulsive with their lesson plans?
Plans. They do change most of the time. Even lesson plans do. I am just bored with it yet it is part of the package, a parcel included in what they pay me for.
I am just tired. I need a breath of fresh air. I think I am not growing anymore there. I think I just go around by the same tree over and over again.
I don't know. I guess I don't want to stay anymore. But still, months are still coming. Many days are still up ahead. Who knows things might just have a positive turn around. But I am still not sure. I will just prepare that's all.
So here's my Plan B. I will secure all the necessary documents, I will prepare and make sure that everything is accounted for. Anyway, I have friends who will help me and most of all God Who sees me everyday.
Lord, I am confused again. Help me. I am scared that there might probably no item for me, that I might just be a "floating" teacher. Yet Lord, I know You only want what is best for me. Is transferring an option now?
I have been seeing my friend in public lately, talking with her most of the time. My brother already received his salary and I think that's good. Are these the signs?
Lord, help me. My family supports me. My mother, my brother and my husband. Are these the signs? Am I just being stubborn?
It would be a very great leap of faith if I would take this opportunity. Help me Lord. Show me where can I apply, please.
Help me Father. Help me to decide. Help me please.