It Hit Me Again

I feel bad. Until now. It is still about this having a boyfriend thing! My goodness! I think this is all crap! Utterly useless!

It all started I think when a friend of mine has started telling me about her lovelife. Then I felt this envy and then I tried again to work on and "fight" for the attention of that jerk. My goodness! That friend of mine, in fact almost all of my friends have kept on telling me to find myself a boyfriend and when I find an apple of my eye, they would tell me to keep things slowly. I am tired. I am tired of them telling and reminding me of this seemingly pathetic state that I am when in fact I am not. I am okay. If I look inside my heart, all I want to happen is just to continue this pace that I have now with my life, with my career, with everything. I was contented already, I in fact already planned to have my own version of "Eat, Pray and Love" when all of a sudden, those "well-wishers" I call my friends would remind me of my seemingly fast-ticking biological clock and subtly pressuring me to go find myself a partner. Then, when I go the fast lane, they would tell me stop! Where do I put myself now?

Maybe, I should tell them bluntly to keep off my lovelife and don't mind my emotions at all. I enjoy life as it is and I have many things to do. I don't need a boyfriend right now. I think I am not yet ready. God will give me the right person at the right time but please! The last thing that I need from them, well-wishers is to for them to keep on telling me that I need a man and just let me live my life as I do. Someday, they will receive a good news from me. So I guess, I better shut my mouth when it comes to my crushes and objects of affection and please, tell them honestly and bluntly when they have matchmaking ideas in mind to stop and just leave me alone. That's it. Leave me alone.

Thinking About My Love Life

I have been preoccupied by this thing for more than a million times already. I think, all girls when they were born were already pre-wired to have this longing to be beautiful, to be noticed, be swept off their feet and be loved by their own prince charming. And I am not an exception.

As much I have wanted to ward off this thoughts of meeting the "one", having a sound and beautiful romantic relationship with him and eventually marry him and run to our own happily ever after, I fail. For almost everyday, I am bombarded by so-called "well-wishers" who wished nothing but to see me holding hands with my own someone special, receive a wedding invitation from yours truly and be informed of my joyous pregnancy after months of wedded bliss. But these things are far from reality. For until now, I haven't yet met him, let alone seen his shadow.

I also dream about him too. I also want him to become my reality not just my constant wishful thinkings and fantasies. I want to hold his hands, I want to feel him close to me, hear him say loving words that are only meant to my ears. But none. There's none, not even a phantom.

Many people who care for me (or they seem to be)keep on telling me that I get married now. That I settle down. I am already twenty-seven and it is like a mortal sin to stay single at my age. Truly, during Jane Austen's time, if you're twenty-seven and still a spinster then you're doomed to a lifetime of solitude. Girls were expected to be already taken at the age of seventeen to eighteen and if you hit your twenty's, it was high time for you to go at great lengths to be noticed, seen and to be hitched. Good thing, I did not live in that epoch or else I would have a hermit-like existence in the far mountains of the neighboring Swiss Alps.

Deep inside, I have always wanted to be with someone but I want to do it in God's timing. Yet, I am surrounded by people who keep on pressuring me to do this or that, to try this or that so as much as I am keeping my resolves strong, my foundations give away.

I am afraid. Afraid of being alone. Afraid of not becoming a wife and a mother in the future. But I am also afraid of committing mistakes. Mistakes that I would be sorry for in the long run wishing I did not marry at all. I don't know. I am not in control of these things.

God. In times like this, all I could ever look up to and give all my hope to is Him. He knows everything. He knows the things that are happening to me and those that already happened. He watched silently while I did things my own way and put things in my own hands. He just patiently watched me and looked after me until I finally realized my folly, threw in the towel and shouted at Him, "I give up!" And He just willingly took my hand again and showed me the right path to take.

I must admit, I had episodes that I compromised my beliefs, my faith and even my morals. I acted like a shameless hussy and my behaviors were far cry from that "Woman of Noble Characters" in the Book of Proverbs. Now, realizing my mistakes, I feel sorry than ever. But then, a part of me still longs to repeat that foolishness again. I am indeed in a struggle.

Thank God, He made a way to take me out of that almost gutter. My own bitchiness and immaturity saved me. I still want to communicate with that person involved but common sense now gets the best of me and holds me tightly. I am not compromising anymore. I will be trusting to Him more and more.

My emotion is really hard to control sometimes and really it fools me most of the time. Yet, I have seen a bit of transformation in me for my hold on it has become stronger by the grace of God.

I am still longing. I still feel envious of those girls already found by their own men. Yet, I know God has His own timing. Maybe not now, but later. Or sooner. I know. I am still being molded into what He wants me to be. Maybe that person is praying for a good, responsible, sensible, strong-willed yet obedient and submissive woman and God is still working in me as regards those areas. Sooner, I know our paths will cross and then we'll be happy together praising God and living His purpose for us.

The Essence of Play

I love children so much and I enjoy being with them and spending a lot of time with them. Some may claim it is difficult to the point of impossibility being with little kids but really it is not for everything depends on us adults on just how we deal with them.

I am blessed because my job entails me to be with these little humans on a daily basis. I must admit, it is quite taxing teaching them let alone taking good care of them but at the end of the day, it is still rewarding.

I am a child advocate. I am for the rights of children and inasmuch as my job would let me do, I will do all my best just to protect their rights, sensibilities and their development. And one of them is the importance of play.

I have just read a while ago an article from an internet site called Early Childhood News. It was written by Dr. Jill Englebright Fox Ph.D and it was all about the importance and role of play in the holistic development of a child. She mentioned lots of studies and authors to further define and give meaning to the word play and to emphasized its importance. According to her and looking back at my time with my own pupils, I have learned that indeed children when playing:

a) Use fine and gross motor skills.
Fine motor skills as we all know are small movements that entail the use of small muscles in our body (e.g. holding something using fingers or touching something with the wrist.)Gross motor skills on the other hand are the bigger movements that make one use the bigger muscles in our body (e.g. running using the torso and legs.) As I watched those little girls and boys, I saw some of them using their fingers when playing "Pass the Message"(fine motor skills) while others were running to and fro pretending someone was going to gun them down(gross motor skills). These motor skills were obviously evident in their play time.

b) React to each other socially
To react socially is to interact with others thus communication is clearly seen. This was evident when I saw a little girl who wanted to start a game and asked her seat mate to join her and prodded others to join too. The girl who started it all clearly stated that it was an "all-girls" game so her partner just ignored the boy seated next to her and invited the girl seated a chair apart. This scenario left all the boys out for almost all the girls joined them except for some who were busy doing other things. The boys seeing this happening started their own game and my class was therefore "gender-wise" divided.

c) Think about what they are doing and going to do
Now, in this situation when the boys in my class felt "left-out", started to concoct ideas on how they could also have a game of their own. They were watching the girls already huddled in a corner talking about the rules and roles in the game that they were about to play. Seeing this happening, I heard a boy shouted "Let's play Truth or Consequence!" to which the others also agreed. They also made their own big circle in the middle of the classroom and I heard them talking about who was going to be the leader and who was going to have the first turn. There were disagreements until finally they were able to compromise and come up with a sound solution for their game.

d) Use language to talk to each other or to themselves.
Of course, those games would not be started if the children did not talk among themselves. One word of mouth led to another and the process just went on. Yet as mentioned here, they also talked to themselves too. For adults, do not be disturbed or be worried as regards this behavior of a child. All children in one way or another commit this behavior not because he or she is mentally or neurologically challenged but it is a part of their play and interaction with themselves. Unless the child is medically proven to have some mental problems, this behavior is normal. I mentioned above that some of them did not join the game not because they did not want to but they were playing with a "product" of their own imagination. I just watched how those kids talked and acted like they had their own house or palaces and commanding someone invisible to the naked eye. I was amused and maybe when they saw me watching them, they felt embarrassed and just joined with the others.

e) Respond emotionally to the play activity
I noticed how children become so excited at the mere sound of the words "game" and "play". As I watched them play and mingle with others, I saw and heard how they laughed, how they negotiated and compromised with one another. Emotions were evident and raw. When the girls felt that someone was not doing the game right, the leader immediately showed her distaste for the "perpetrator" and would threaten her "ouster" from the game. The latter in turn angrily defended herself telling them that she was not cheating. I just watched and listened to them and preparing myself to intervene if needed. Good thing, they were able to iron things out among themselves. On the other side, I heard all my boys laughing so hard upon realizing that the consequence given to their unfortunate "it" was really funny. And the "it" really did it so well I laughed myself too. These were the feelings manifested by my kids as they had their play time.

These all happened during recess time inside their classroom. They did not go down for some reasons and I saw from them how bored they were and on the verge of misbehaving. I gave them this alternative with my own house rules included. I told them that they could play for a certain period of time and that they could move their chairs but they should be the ones to move them back and make sure the room was clean afterwards. They happily complied and until I said stop, they had a really good time. When it was already five minutes before their official class time, I already stood in the middle, gave them the sign and said stop. Promptly, my little children did what I told them and in a matter of three minutes, the room was squeaky clean and organized like nothing happened.

I am a firm believer of play whether it is done inside or outside the classroom. It is not as hard as we think it is and in fact very beneficial to children's cognitive, emotional and social development. All we need to do as adults are to establish our authority to them, set the house rules and make sure they know and understand their limits. It will all go down to our relationship and rapport with those little children. Then play will not be so taxing and dangerous at all.