Tired Of Being A Filipino...Sometimes

I am just tired of being one actually.

I am tired of the system, I am tired of the things that go on and happen in this country. I love my country, God knows I do but sometimes I doubt it if really the majority of Filipinos love this land.

Last election though I honestly admit that I was not able to vote, I passionately and fiercely supported the current administration. You may think that I do not have any right to speak up my mind for my non-voting stance last election, but is it just voting that could gauge one's love and concern for the country? How about the taxes that I pay? My obedience to the laws of the land? Aren't they counted?

This is not to say that it was the right thing for me to do. If I could have my way, why would not I do something that could somehow make this land a better place. Or could it?

It was an unwanted choice. I wanted to register. I have always wanted to have my name listed in the roster of citizens enjoying the freedom of suffrage. But unfortunately, there's this thing called bureaucracy and that has always been keeping me and other numerous Filipinos from fulfilling that sacred duty.

I am a teacher. Meaning, I am not a normal employee. My job is not as easy as calling the HR Department of our school to let them know I will not be in for the day. It is not as easy as just going to the bosses' office to let them know I am having a half day and that's it. My job entails me to be in school almost half of the day and even beyond just to finish the loads of work to be done. Aside from that, I have children to take care of in the form of my pupils so being absent for one day is tantamount to being out for the whole week.

Now, can someone blame me for not being able to register because just mere doing so would require me to wait in line for almost the whole day only to be asked by the "ever-friendly" registration officer to come back tomorrow because they had already reached their nonsense and unexplainable "quota?" Can someone self-righteously accuse me of neglecting my duties as a citizen as I also think about of my responsibilities to my school and my pupils?

I know, one would rebut me by saying "if there's a will, there's a way." But as I have said earlier, I could have done so with all my heart if not for the other duties that I would leave behind if I did. If not for the red tapes and other "processes" that I would endure for a number of days.

Here in the country, it's not easy to get your name listed unless you do something unlawful. Ironically, when people are trying to do something right, it would take them ages just to be recorded. If one would do something wrong, it would only take just a millisecond to see your name on the paper with your fault glaring at you.

I don't know. This land is indeed blessed by God. We have such a beautiful country but we, the inhabitants of this lovely paradise make this so uniquely ugly. Thinking of the last election and the things that hound us now, I have started to doubt my decisions.

I know, it is not right to blame a big mistake to only one person. Everything is relative and that happened because so and so and the list goes on did something to end up with such a horrible result. I am not just singling out the President. I still believe in my heart that he is a good man. Not perfect, but good.

Yet, there are those people who surround him. Those who just went all their way to support him not because they truly believe in him but because they believe that he could do something to satisfy their self-vested interests. And now, just like a decaying dead body, their stench is slowly creeping in to haunt us and make our lives miserable again.

I am just tired being a Filipino, sometimes. Seeing things happen outside the parameters of reason, being bombarded with injustices and inconsistencies almost on a daily basis brings out the jaded human being in me. It is just so tiring. And I want to relax for just a few years.

I have not yet lost any love for my country. But just like a marriage that needs some chill-out time, I have got to have my own space, even for a while. I want to think and ponder and reflect on how we could end up like this. Or just go on like this.

I am still a Filipino. I am and will always be. Even if I would be given the chance to become a U.S. First Lady, a princess or a lady in some European country, Philippines would always be my first love. I will never disown this land. Though, for a time I just want to forget that I live and belong here.

Hah! Frustrations really bring out the best in me. And the words inside me. I still love the Philippines, I will still support the administration. But I will just hide and find my peace for a while.