Post- "Looking Back" Post

Yes.

I was actually writing mine, technically typing last December 31, 2012. But I was too preoccupied because my fiance was beside me.

My fiance. He was actually the "highlight" of the year that was. From being such a sad girl waiting and looking for someone to love and to love me to a woman only waiting to be married 11 months from now.

He is not my ideal man. His grammar amuses me at times and his pronunciation sounds funny because he is from the Visayan region. He does not earn that much, just enough to get himself by.he did not even finish college. Far from the lawyer, doctor or engineer I was dreaming about. But he is a good man. A patient man. One who silently puts up with me, my bitchiness and my tantrums.

I did not love him at first. I actually disgusted him. He was just a friend, someone who I would talk to whenever I would feel sad and crave for attention especially from a man. I was in love with another man before him and I was not really taking him seriously.

But he was persistent. He felt something in his heart the first time he saw me. Though I was the noisiest and bitchiest girl he encountered, still he persisted and pursued me like crazy.

I really did not like him at first. Our second date was a disaster for that was the time I rejected him. I saw how pained he was, how sad he was that day but I did not care. I just went home and resolved not to talk with him again nor communicate with him again.

I even wanted to change my sim card again for the nth time but because I was thinking of the other man I was in love with that he might not be able to contact me again, I did not.

I thought he would stop but he did not. So I gave him my worst treatment. How I insulted him, said bad words to him and looked down on him. I talked with him condescendingly. But he endured everything. Sometimes I wanted to share with him some of my pride so he could have some.

I was still talking to the man I was initially in love with until he stopped communicating with me.

That opened the door for him. He gave me promises, he showered me with attention no one has ever given me before.

I was already confused that time. Torn between the man I loved and the man who loves me. Many people told me to choose the one who loved me for I could easily love that person.

I took that risk. And since then, I knew I did the right thing.

Of course, our relationship had its ups and downs. I had lots of expectations and ideals. I had to deal with a lot of issues in my life and I was even confronted by the past when the man I was first in love with came back. We were so close to fall apart already but I just could not let him go. He just could not let me go. We just could not let each other go.

We still had our ups and downs. I know there will still be many along the way. We stumbled, we were tempted, we did bad and silly things together. But we are still together. Five months after, we still love each other so much. And this is not just something romantic. This is really a choice, something real.

I am praying for our relationship this 2013. May God give our relationship grace and blessings. May we become more obedient and loving to Him. May He become the center of our relationship.

This relationship has brought out and I believe will still bring out the worst and the best in me. And I am thankful because I had him last year. And soon, we will be man and wife. I am praying for our relationship to become a blessing to others especially those around us.

I am thankful for everything. I am thankful for the past for it led me to my present. And I will still make the most out of my present for it will make or break the future we are still yet to see and anticipates the most. By God's grace. And by His blessings.

I am thankful for the answered prayer. He is not perfect, he is not who I really had in my mind but I think God in His loving and infinite wisdom gave him to me because he is the right one for me. The one who perfectly fits my personality.

I am thankful Lord. For the year that was. I am thankful. And this year, we will look forward to the blessings You are still yet to bestow on us.

Thank You Lord. For him.